Speedo guy

Last night I got a text message from a long distance number I did not recognize. The texter and I engaged in the following exchange:

John: Dov. It’s John. Have you seen my speedo?
Me: Yeah, i know. It’s SOOOO hot!
John: No. i mean i left it at the y.
Me: Your butt looks like granite in that thing.
John: No dude. Seriously. I lost my speedo. The red and black swimming one. Did you or someone else pick it up?
Me: Oh sorry dude I thought you were john wilson. No I haven’t seen it.
John: Oh. Alright. Thanks man.

So I slept all night and of course this morning I felt bad. My juvenile hijinks may have prevented the recovery of John’s Speedo. So I texted him, “Dude you should look for your speedo. I’m sure you figured out you texted the wrong number.”

So far no reply.

I’ve drawn a few conclusions and have some questions based on this conversation. Beginning at the top:

What kind of name is Dov?

I think John is at least thirty since he uses punctuation and caps (for the most part). And no emoticons.

I also think John is straight. He apparently also wears another type of Speedo, the non-swimming one. I’m not sure what that’s all about but I’m sure it doesn’t make him gay. Besides he uses the word “dude” a lot (which also makes him white, I suppose). On the other hand, he is fond of the brand name “Speedo.” Not the generic term “swim trunks” or “male bikini bottoms” or some such. He (and Dov) live the Speedo culture which raises questions all over again.

John obviously swims with a group, perhaps a team. Maybe adult water polo? What do they have at the YMCA?

Your thoughts?